Home (for now)

I arrived home safe and sound on December 31. I've had a few days to adjust. It's time to reflect a little on the trip that now seems so far away.

I got an e-mail from Hernan. He sounds like he misses me. It was very sweet. I look forward to continuing with our complicated, yet simple friendship next year.

It feels good to be home, in my own apartment, in the cold rain of San Francisco winter. My car still runs, though it is definitely on its last leg. My apartment still feels warm and cozy, but I now notice the clutter. After 5 months of living with very little in a small, yet functional apartment, I return to a not much bigger apartment that is filled with stuff I don't need.

I unpacked my suitcases of the clothes I had that got me through three seasons (winter, spring and summer). I basically had enough clothes to last me a little more than a week, depending on the weather. I'd take my clothes to the lavanderia across the street in the morning and they were ready by that evening. I didn't mind wearing the same thing over and over again week to week, because I got the sense that most people did that. My Italian teacher Blas, basically wore the same shirt and pants for every class. It was clear that Hernan didn't have many clothes either. There didn't seem to be any pressure to always wear something new.

As I went to put my clothes from the trip away, I opened my drawers and closets to find them full of clothes I did not bring, and thus have not worn for at least 5 months, some for years. Why do I need so many clothes?!!

I don't.

While my kitchen in Buenos Aires was small and reminded me of a galley on an airplane, my kitchen in San Francisco, which I used to think was small now feels luxurious. Yet as I opened my cabinets to take stock of what I had to cook with, I was amazed at how many spices, jars, cans and bottles I have. Why do I need all of this stuff?!!!

I don't.

The thing is I cleaned out my apartment considerably before I left. I took bags of clothes to Goodwill, cleaned off my bookcases, and cleaned out my refrigerator and cabinets. I was shocked by how much is still there.

This morning I had an appointment at my dentist. There is a very sweet young woman who works there as the receptionist and is also an esthetician and does facials (I konw, this is San Francisco). It was lovely to see her, but I noticed that when we greeted each other we did not kiss. It felt so cold to me to just say, albeit cheerily, "hi, how are you?" That little Argentine kiss on the cheek, which at times felt awkward to me, felt like it would have been very appropriate at this moment.

Later today I went to Safeway and asked the guy in the produce section two questions about prices of things. He was very helpful. I noticed how easy it was for me to ask the questions and also how I was able to do it in a polite and friendly manner. "Do you know how much the limes are?" was one of my questions. I realized I would not have been able to do that in Buenos Aires and would have either not bought the limes, or bought them and took my chances that they were not exhorbitant (because usually nothing was).

And so, here I am, happy with my life, noticing the good and the bad about being back. Looking forward to one more chance at "making it" in Buenos Aires - trying once again to learn some tango, improve my Spanish, make friends, and find equilibrium among the chaos. Until then, I am going to try to shed the extra weight I put on from the ice cream, beef and wine, get my body and health back to optimum levels and enjoy my time in San Francisco. And of course, I will return to the classroom, hoping that my experiences as a student will give me better insights into how to be a better teacher.

It all feels good at this point, the trip, the return, and especially, being home.