I wanted to take a little time today to reflect on my experiences here trying to live in a Spanish-speaking world, hoping that it might help people who are reading this, and myself, to understand what it is like for my students, who are trying to learn English in an environment that is often very hostile to people who speak other languages (all of those English-only laws, anti-immigrant legislation, etc..).
I've written about this in several places on this blog, but for me one of the more noticeable things is that I often seem to be in a state where I am not sure I understand all of what is being said to me. I'm pretty good about guessing from context and also am willing to take risks (if I have to) even though I might not understand fully. This has its disadvantages though. Like when I was at the video shop and the clerk was taking my information to create my account. Hernan was there, and I felt nervous speaking Spanish in front of him. She said something as we were almost finished, and I didn't understand, but I said yes. Don't ask me why I did that, but I just wanted to be finished. It turns out she had asked me if I wanted someone else's name on my account. Hernan clarified for me. If he hadn't been there, I'm sure it would have eventually gotten cleared up. It's almost like I only have half of my hearing (which actually I do), and am basing my reactions and responses to only half of what I heard. Fortunately, there haven't been any major misunderstandings, but it has also made me hesitant to just go out there and act the way I would in a country where my language is spoken. I look for opportunities to buy things without having to speak to people, rather than put myself in situations where I might get confused.
My experience at the pasta shop turned into a near nightmare for me. Here I was in this shop with two people speaking to me and I didn't understand anything. I didn't even know how to get myself out of that situation gracefully by saying something like, "I'll come back later" or something like that. This woman went through this long explanation about the different kinds of pasta she had and I didn't understand a word. Fortunately I got up the nerve to tell her I didn't understand, and fortunately they were willing to tell me again, but in whatever way they did it, modify their speech, and I understood. But it was a very uncomfortable experience for me and not one I look forward to repeating. If I had been able to go and just pick up a box of ravioli myself, I wouldn't have hesitated at all.
I always tell my students to create opportunities for them to use the language, but for me here, I look for opportunities where I don't have to.
I thought meeting Hernan would be a good thing for me because it would give me someone I could communicate with and get some help from. But his English is much better than my Spanish, and even though he makes mistakes, like using he instead of she, or calling his nephew his niece, I don't notice his mistakes, because I'm used to listening to English around people's mistakes. But when I try to speak Spanish with him, he corrects everything, laughs at my mistakes and says things like it's like trying to speak to a child (those weren't his exact words, but it was the essence of what he said). When I'm with him, I get to hear authentic Spanish if he has a conversation with a taxi driver, or calls his family, but he doesn't like to speak Spanish with me. I can only push it to a certain point because really my ability to communicate with him in Spanish is very limited. I think it's easier to speak to a stranger than to someone you're involved with.
And then there is TV. I've been pretty busy running around so I really haven't had a lot of time to watch TV, but lately, since I've been resting, I have been watching more. Unfortunately, I have cable here, so I have an unlimited channel selection. Channel 2 is some sort of local news station. I always start there, and work my way to the higher numbers. As I go through, I will find programs in Spanish, American programs dubbed in Spanish, and then programs in English that have Spanish subtitles. I almost always end up watching a program in English with Spanish subtitles. If I lie down on my sofa to watch TV, it's usually because I'm exhausted and want to relax. To turn on something in Spanish where I have no idea of the context and have very little to help me understand it, is a lot of work. It's easier for me to watch reruns of Sex in the City, than to try to figure out what they are talking about on these news programs, or to join a soap opera in the middle of the season in the middle of a show.
So, all of the things that I tell my students to do to try to improve their English aren't working for me. Create opportunities, find a boyfriend, watch TV......
You'd think, after taking Spanish class for 3 hours every day, being immersed in a Spanish-speaking environment, dating someone who speaks Spanish, that I'd have a lot of opportunities to practice and my Spanish would improve rapidly. That isn't the case.
My Spanish is improving. It's been a while since I have last spoken Spanish, maybe one year. So I had to go into the attic, dust off those irregular verbs and reopen files with the subjunctives, conditionals, futures and two past tenses. I also had to learn a new way of pronouncing ll and y (they pronounce it like a j here), and learn a new way to say you (they use 'vos') with all of the verb conjugations that come along with that.
But what I have learned the most is how difficult it is for someone with the best intentions of learning a language to fight against the natural forces that seem to work against that process. I think it is natural for us to want to speak the language we know and understand already, which is why I automatically stop on a TV program that I've already seen before or would never watch at home. I think it is natural for us to not want to be embarrassed, especially in front of someone we like, which is why I don't like to speak Spanish in front of Hernan, and am not pushing the issue with him to speak Spanish with me. I think it is natural for us to want to avoid situations where we might not understand fully and don't want to admit it. Therefore, if I have to go into a shop and speak to a clerk, or go somewhere else where I can have a more autonomous shopping experience, I would choose the latter, even though I know, as a teacher, that the interaction is better for me.
I think as humans we look for comfort, and nothing can be more uncomfortable than being in a situation where you don't understand the language.
As a teacher, I need to think about ways that I might be able to help my students combat the natural forces that are working against them in their quest to become fluent, competent English speakers. But as a person who interacts every day with people who are speaking English as an additional language, I want to remember how difficult it is for them. I want to remember that they might be scared, nervous, embarrassed, that they might not understand fully what I am saying, that they might say yes even if they are not sure what they are saying yes to.
It is very different for me to be in this situation than in others I've been in, such as Korea last summer where I knew I understood nothing, and my efforts at communicating were very rudimentary, and success felt good. Here I am at an advanced level of Spanish. People who speak to me at first get the impression that I understand. Some of them might even be fooled into thinking that I am a native Spanish-speaker (my masseuse thought my parents were Spanish speakers). But in reality, there are very big gaps in my comprehension, and until I get more aggressive about having people slow down, repeat, and doing all of the things I need them to do for me to understand, they are just going to think I'm dumb.
My advice for my readers. Next time you speak to someone who is speaking English as an additional language, remember how difficult it is for them to do that, and be nice.
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