I will kill you Ramirez

I know this is a really odd title for a blog, but believe it or not, it is the name of the restaurant where I had dinner with Hernan tonight.

After I got home from a very busy day, I checked my e-mail and had a message from him that he was stressed out from some events yesterday. So I called him and asked him if he wanted to go out for dinner. I said I was tired of eating beef and potatoes. He had mentioned a Vietnamese place he liked, but he called to make a reservation and they were booked for the evening. He told me he had made a reservation at Te Matare Ramirez (I will kill you Ramirez). I had no idea what that meant, but I took a taxi to his place and we headed to this restaurant with this strange name.

We arrived and someone opened the door for us. There were a few people already there, but basically, the restaurant was empty. It was about 9:30 - we were early.

The restaurant was dimly lit by candles on each table and red lanterns that were turned down low on the ceilings. The tables were covered in black tablecloths with a red tablecloth on top of it, and the walls, curtains, and any other surface in the restaurant were red. It was a long, narrow space with an area at the front end, where the windows were, that was slightly raised above the rest of the restaurant, like a little stage. There were four tables in the stage area.

We sat down and looked at the menus, which I could not see at all because I didn't have my glasses and my eyes don't work to read anything in less than normal lighting. Hernan was sitting on the side of my bad ear, so basically I was deaf and blind. He read the menu to me as I looked at it, the whole thing was fruitless - I had no idea what was on the menu. I couldn't see it, I couldn't hear what he was saying totally, and what I heard I didn't understand (after coming home and looking at the menu online in English, I understand why I didn't understand it - it's not your normal menu with things like "salmon with a side of potatoes" - instead, it is things like, "you seduce me and cast me down into mirages of aberrant coitus")

He had told me before we went that the restaurant was sensuous and the food they served was afrodisiac. I thought it meant that we'd be tasting lots of different subtle flavors and maybe eating lots of herbs or fruits or other sensuous foods.

Well, that was partly correct. The restaurant was also sensuous in the decor, the reds and blacks and flames and shiny glass, etc., and in the art, which was basically photos of naked women who seemed to be from another time. There were also naked people on the menu, some drawings, some photographs. This was not porn, simply erotic/sensuous "art". It looked like a place you'd go on Valentine's Day with your sweetie.

Anyway, I was able to make out that there was Patagonian trout on the menu. I had no idea how it was prepared or what it came with but it was not beef, so I ordered that. Hernan got some sort of meat from Patagonia that the waitress recommended.

My fish was out of this world. It was by far the best fish I have ever had - anywhere. The trout came with the head and the tail, but the center part of the fish had been fileted and was formed into three rolls which were filled with spinach. It was covered by some sort of creme sauce, and also had these little artichoke things and two potatoes on the side. The presentation was beautiful, but the food was even better. The fish was fresh and not fishy tasting at all, and the combinations of the strong taste of the spinach and the subtle taste of the sauce all added up to a perfect meal. Hernan's mystery meat (I'm sure it was not a mystery to him) reminded me of pulled pork. It may have been a piece of pork, but could have also been yak, or antelope or some other exotic patagonian animal. He and I both liked my fish better.

We had an excellent wine that the waitress said was from a new winery. I don't know what it was, but it was smooth and even though it was red, went really well with my fish.

For desert, I liked the sound of a coconut tart with a sauce of mango, orange and something else. The waitress suggested a chocolate platter. We got both. We both liked the coconut tart better than the chocolate, but it was all great. Hernan commented that he liked my tastes better than the waitress - both the fish and the coconut tart were better than the two things we got that she recommended. Even being deaf, and blind, I was able to find good things on the menu!

The restaurant was complete full by the time we left. We enjoyed sitting there and watching the people who were seated in the area that looked like a stage. I was expecting them to start singing at any minute, or to suddenly start speaking louder than everyone else because they were actually the dinner show. I thought maybe the couples were made up of men who were cheating on their wives and having dinner with their girlfriends and at any minute the wife would come storming in and a show would begin. But they were just regular diners who looked like they were on a stage. It was kind of like a dinner reality show. I think I would have felt uncomfortable sitting there, but they seemed perfectly happy eating dinner on stage.

About halfway through our dinner, there was a slideshow that started. The waitress announced to us that it was going to begin soon. It was again photos, drawings, paintings, etc., that were "erotic/sensuous" most of them appearing to be old, some as far back as from Ancient Egypt. It wasn't that interesting, and I had to turn my head to see it because of the way I was sitting. It was not worth turning to see, but it did provide more light in the restaurant.

The whole experience was very odd, but also a lot of fun. It was a very different experience and one a regular tourist would not have. If Hernan hadn't shown me that place, I know I would have never gone, and am not sure if I would ever go back, unless I was with someone I wanted to seduce.

We hung out a little at his place and then I headed home for an "early" night in. It's now 2:03 a.m., and some people are just heading out, I'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed.