Ok, I will admit it - I am challenging myself here. Living in another culture and trying to speak the language is tough. Studying a brand new language in a class where my native language is not spoken is perhaps tougher. But tango....???On a difficulty scale of 1-10, I'd say living here and speaking Spanish, is about a 6. It's challenging, but I know enough Spanish and enough strategies to communicate that I can deal with it, and it will get easier.
Studying Arabic in a class where everyone speaks Spanish seems to be about an 8 right now. It is difficult, it is challenging, but, again, if I use strategies like studying outside of class, I will be ok.
Now, tango... on a difficulty scale from 1-10 with 10 being the most difficult, I'd have to put tango at about 1,000.
I went to the Escuela Argentine de Tango today in Gallerias Pacifico, a shopping center on Florida Street, one of the main pedestrian/shopping streets in the center of the tourist district. In Gallerias Pacifico is the Borges Cultural Center, where they offer classes, workshops and shows. It's a great place to see tango performances that don't cost an arm and a leg like the dinner shows for tourists. The Escuela Argentina de Tango has a branch there and another one on Rodriguez Pena, in the same building as my gym.
I decided to go to the one in Borges Cultural Center because they offered a regular tango class at 12:30 and it fit in with my plan for the day - gym in the morning, tango class and then free time.
I found the school and waited for someone to help me. There were three guys who seemed to be working at the desk, but they were busy chatting. Finally someone came out and asked if he could help me. I told him I wanted to buy an abono. An abono is a card that is worth a certain number of classes. One class is 19 pesos (about $6), an abono for 12 classes is 210 pesos ($70). I don't know if there is much of a savings, but I figured if I got a card for 12 classes, I would go back no matter what my first experience was like. And since I said in my sabbatical proposal that I would be taking tango classes, I have to go back.
I waited around until 12:30. There were two classes going on. As students from those classes filtered out, I tried to make my way in and find which of the two classes was mine. One was milonga and one was tango. Of course I went into the wrong class, but after finding that out, I went to the other room where people had already begun to dance. The class was tango and was mixed level, supposedly beginner, intermediate and advanced. Most of the classes were listed this way.
I was super nervous.
When the song stopped, the teacher told everyone to change partners. I didn't find a partner, but just watched a little. It looked like everyone was pretty good.
When the song stopped they teacher said change partners again and a woman came up to me to dance.
I was super nervous.
I was so nervous I had a hard time remembering anything of the little I knew. The class was close embrace, which I've done a little of, but had a really hard time with. But actually, when you dance close embrace with someone who is used to it, it is not that bad - kind of nice actually. The hard part was steering my partner. I kept repeating the few steps I knew and did my best to steer my partner around obstacles, i.e., the other dancers.
We continued to change partners, and each time I continued to be super nervous.
Finally, the teacher stopped the music and showed us an exercise we were to do. The leaders to were to lead their partner using only one hand, the hand behind the back. The other hand that we use to hold our partners right hand was to be behind our back. It was a good exercise, but I was so nervous I had a hard time doing it. It would have been better if we had been given some simple steps to do because I felt like I needed to do something fancy with my partner when really the focus of the exercise was about leading with the torso (I figured that out later).
We switched partners a few times and then we did a similar exercise, but this time we had to eliminate the hand that we normally put behind our partner's back. I found this more difficult.
I was beginning to get a headache and sweat. But the fun had only just begun.
The teacher showed us this fancy little step that we were to do. It involved some quick weight changes and sacadas. Sacadas are when the leader quickly puts his foot where the followers foot wants to go and displaces the followers foot. I have a hard time doing sacadas under normal circumstances. With these other steps, it was nearly impossible for me.
With less experienced partners I felt less intimidated. There was one woman who was very sweet and really nice to dance with, and then there were a few who made me feel really uncomfortable. One gave me a look that I had a hard time interpreting when it came time to change partners, but basically let's just say that she didn't dance with me. Her look was this kind of smile, eye contact and then a walk directly past me - kind of weird. That was about the last straw for me and I decided I was in over my head.
I found an open space on the floor and tried to practice this step a little on my own. I was beginning to get it, and when it came time to change partners I got a new partner and found that I could not do it with another person attached to me. When it came time to change partners again I went back to my corner and continued to practice. I checked my watch and we still had 30 minutes left. I thought the class would never end.
Even though I had totally not mastered this little step, the teacher went ahead and added an adornment. I decided I was not even going to try to add that since I was still working on the basic. At one point, the teacher's assistant touched my shoulder and pointed to the woman who gave me the "look", to encourage me to dance with her. I just ignored him and continued to practice on my own and hope the class would be over soon.
After the little adornment, which a few people, but not all had mastered, we were shown something else. I was dying. My mouth was dry (even though I was drinking water), my head was pounding and I felt weak. I decided to take advantage of the opportunity while the teacher was showing this new variation to get my things and slip out.
I asked the guy at the desk if he could recommend some classes that were easier. He circled several classes that all look like they will fit well with my open hours. I'm going to take a look at the times and go back and try again.
I was a little rattled when I left and couldn't wait to get home and rest. As I was walking home I was thinking about how tango might be the most difficult thing I have ever done. I have never had so much fear about anything ever before as I do about dancing tango. And yet I really want to do it. I love to watch people dance, and the few experiences I have had where I felt I was dancing were magical.
One of the biggest obstacles facing me right now is my fear. But I feel that if I can push through this fear, accept that I am not perfect (yet) and just keep going back and trying again and again, I will reach a point not only where I feel comfortable dancing tango, but where I feel comfortable doing just about anything. This is good. It is good that I recognize my fear and it is good that I am in this position where I really have no choice but to push through it. I can't back out. I have a card with 11 more classes on it that expires in 30 days. I have a sabbatical proposal that said I was going to take tango classes. I have no choice but to pull out that schedule, see what times the easier classes are, and just go.
Shit! What did I get myself into?
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