One thing about being sick is that it helps you to appreciate health. Today I was almost ecstatic because I had a fairly normal day. I felt balanced and clear-headed and didn't have to take any meclizine. It was a lovely day.
It was cloudy and overcast most of the day and then started to rain in the late afternoon. I stayed in most of the day because I had an appointment with Gonzalo at 4:30, but then he texted me and asked me if he could come at 7:30 instead. It was good actually, because I feel like I need to go out and do something every day, but today I kind of had a reason to just stay in.
Well, I didn't really stay in. After lunch, I went and changed some money and stopped at Farmacity to pick up some shave cream. I spent the rest of the day reading blogs and expat referrals and complaints about Buenos Aires, watching Oprah online and skyping.
Skype is really an amazing thing. Last night I skyped with my friend Diane. We both have webcams on our computers, so we can see each other. It all seems so space age. Today I called my doctor to see if they had faxed in the prescription on Friday. The woman I spoke to said, probably. Then I called the mail order pharmacy I am using and they said they didn't have a record of the prescription. I got transferred around to several different people until finally someone took my information and said they'd call my doctor. The great thing about all of this? The call was free with skype because it was a toll free number.
After that I called my parents. I had heard from my sister-in-law that my dad needed another operation. He's 86 years old, had his first heart attack when he was something like 54 and went out on disability. He's had several heart attacks since then, several heart bypass operations and a zillion other things. This operation sounded necessary, but also a bit risky.
I haven't heard from anyone in my family (well, actually my sister-in-law is the only one who communicates with me), so I kind of got worried, thinking that maybe my dad was in the hospital. I called yesterday and there was no answer. I called my sister, and there was no answer there either. But today when I called, both mom and dad were at home. The each got on the phone, causing static, and more conversation between them than between me and them, but it was nice talking to them. We spoke for about 30 minutes and it cost me something like 50 cents. They don't have a computer, so I was skyping them on their landline, but it was so cheap! After that, I thought about who else I could call.
I watched Byron Katie on Oprah. Oprah has been interviewing all of these spiritual teachers as part of her soul series. I love Byron Katie. She wrote a book called, "Loving What Is" and I realized that part of my health problems here are related to stress, and part of my stress is that I have been unable to "love what is" about Buenos Aires.
I know that I am going through culture shock. I know I am no longer in the honeymoon phase, and I know that eventually I am going to adjust and things will be all peachy keen, but right now I am in a difficult adjustment phase. Taking a moment to think about all of the things that are bothering me - broken sidewalks, supermarket checkers, etc., and seeing how I am struggling because I am unable to accept the reality of things really helped to lift a huge burden from my shoulders. I felt so much lighter and happier. I even looked forward to going out to change money so that I could take a look at the broken sidewalks and see the earth that was exposed in so many parts, and to practice walking through the crowded streets and remaining centered.
It's funny that the vertigo has been causing me to feel "off-balance" and so has this cultural adjustment. Today was about finding my balance. As I walked up Santa Fe, home from the money changer and Farmacity, I thought about one time I was in a car in Bangkok. Bangkok is notorious for its horrid traffic. I've taken taxis and tuk tuks, but only once was I ever in a private car. I had a friend who had a friend with a car. We drove from one shopping center to another, which on the skytrain would have taken us about 20 minutes. We were stuck in traffic for close to an hour.
I remember watching the driver who sat patiently and hardly reacted to the traffic jam that had us trapped. I had been observing how Thai people in general seemed oblivious to the swirling chaos around them. It was all very zen (or maybe theravada).
So today as I walked home, I had to even wonder if perhaps it were a holiday, because the traffic seemed less annoying, and the sidewalks seemed less crowded (maybe they were).
I have decided that I have been trying to do too much and have not been enjoying myself enough. I'm expecting myself to be a fluent, flawless speaker of Spanish, but that just isn't going to happen anytime soon. So instead, I should just enjoy being able to communicate in another language in whatever way possible. I've been expecting to be able to dance tango flawlessly. Yeah, maybe in another lifetime. For now, I want to enjoy the dance in whatever form it takes. It hasn't helped that people have been instilling in me a feeling that perfection is expected - like when Hernan tells me he can't endure my terrible Spanish, or when my tango teacher corrects every mistake, but I can not let others dictate my own expectations of what I can do. I might actually have to tell Hernan to knock it off when he criticizes me, or I might have to ask my tango teacher to let some of my mistakes pass without being corrected, but for now, I am trying to connect with something within that is beyond reach of outside influences. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm still trying to figure it out for myself.
Next week I have a mini-vacation as I am going to Uruguay for my visa renewal trip. When I told Gonzalo I was going he got very excited. He said Colonia is beautiful and described all kinds of things about it, including the food and the people. He's the first person I've spoken to who has had that reaction. Most people tell me Colonia is nice, but not that special. I'll be spending two days there and three days in Montevideo, the capital of Uruguay, before returning to Buenos Aires in time for my Arabic class. It will be a nice vacation with hotels and all. A real getaway. I'm determined to have my health fully back by then.
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