I am sick again this week. It started on Tuesday. When Gonzalo, the guy who came here to diagnose the energy in my ear and stick little seeds onto my ear with bandages, came over, I had already started feeling the beginnings of a sore throat and sniffles. During our chat, he asked me if I had any head cold stuff going on and I told him I did, and he did a point on my hand that is supposed to be good for that as well as neck and shoulder tightness (which I also have had all week).
Well, the vertigo calmed down magically, but the cold developed. I had a tango lesson with Marcelo scheduled for Wednesday after my Italian class, but he called me (my phone went off in class and Blas looked at me and said, forebodingly 'Rishard....') - Marcelo's message said he wanted to change our lesson for Thursday, which was perfect. I texted him during the break and said it was fine. But on Thursday morning I was not feeling better, so I sent him another text and asked if we could cancel until Saturday. I canceled my Spanish lesson with Juliana as well.
I've been spending the past three days just lying around, sleeping a lot, drinking fluids and all of the things I am supposed to do, but I can't get rid of this thing. I hope this is not one of those monster colds I had last year.
I spoke to Hernan on Wednesday and he told me he is sick too. We didn't get it from each other because we haven't seen each other in weeks. Other than going to tango class (and I am very careful to wash my hands before and after), I have not been in contact with anyone! I don't know why I got sick, other than possibly my defenses are down because I am out of my comfort zone at home.
I am feeling very isolated and out of touch here. I get little snippets of things going on back home, but for the most part, only a few friends are bothering to keep in touch and only one member of my family is communicating with me. Different people who said they would take care of things for me are not following through, and there is nothing I can do from down here. I am trying hard not to let the frustration take over and affect my friendships - I think it's just one of those American things - people are too busy to keep connections going, especially when there is distance involved (and not everyone is an e-mail addict like me). I'm not taking it as a reflection on me, though I could. I called my parents on Sunday to see how they were doing since my sister-in-law told me there were some health things going on with my dad, and the phone got passed around until finally my brother just said, "they are cheating, I have to go" and hung up on me. They were playing cards. My phone call lasted about 4 minutes, and not because I didn't want to talk. I wanted to hear what was going on, but it wasn't a good time.
So I think in a way I am experiencing another level of culture shock - the separation from things familiar, and the inability to be able to do things that otherwise would not be difficult. I need to renew my driver's license and car registration, but I can't do that until my friend who is checking my mail sends me the number from the DMV. I need medicine that I am unable to get here, but I need someone to take the time out of their busy day to get it and send it. I don't like being dependent on people and hate feeling like I am imposing. All of this is adding up to a level of frustration that I believe is very stressful. I know that one of biggest sources of stress is feeling like I have no control over a situation. It often gets to the point where I just let go, but in this case, I am still in the phase of worrying what will happen. Maybe this cold, or whatever it is, is a sign to me, that by worrying about what will happen, I am creating an unpleasant result right now, so forget about the future!
I had a really hard night's sleep last night. My sinuses were all blocked up and I felt feverish. I got up about every hour to go to the bathroom (not because I had to, but because I was awake) - I had crazy feverish dreams, and my body aches. Now that I am up I am just feeling tired and want to go back to bed, but I am going to be a good student and go to Arabic class. I'm not going to have a lesson with Marcello tonight but will instead continue trying to nurse myself back to health. Maybe it's time for another visit to the spa...
All in all, this is good, because part of my sabbatical proposal was that I wanted to experience the stages of culture shock and experiment with ways to integrate myself into my new culture. Taking language classes was supposed to be my main means of integration and meeting people, but I haven't been taking full advantage of the opportunity. There are reasons for that that I understand and in the next few weeks I am going to see if I can change that.
So now, understanding that one of the things my students might experience is what I am going through right now, I feel like I am in a better position to at least be empathetic. Maybe advising them on what they can do is not the way to go, but instead being able to empathize and listen to what they are going through might be more helpful.
Right now I feel like a little empathy would go a long way in making ME feel better.
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