Today I spent most of the day napping. I felt another attack coming on early this morning and took a meclizine. That of course made me sleepy, so I crawled back into bed until the feeling of an impending attack had passed. I was afraid to go out because I didn't know what would happen. I had nothing that I had to do until 6, when I was supposed to go to school for a new class in Arabic phonetics. I'm not really sure what the class is, but Ybtissaim told us it would help. This is a new offering.
Between naps, I checked the web for more information on meniere's and found that there is a new treatment that involves an injection of an antibiotic into the middle ear. Apparently it kills the mechanism which detects balance. According to a study that was done here in Buenos Aires, it is 100% effective in stopping the vertigo, but other things I read suggested it should be considered a last resort.
I e-mailed Hernan and asked him how I could find a doctor who knew about this treatment. He called me and recommended I get a plan at the German Hospital, which is two blocks away. I need to think about it. I've been to many doctors about this, but the problem is it comes and goes, and usually when I see a doctor, I am in a lull. Unless there is someone who specializes in meniere's I've done everything all of the other doctors have suggested - I watch my salt intake, I take a diuretic, I take an allergy pill, and I take meclizine when I feel an attack coming on. I want a cure, or at least something that will ensure that I am not going to find myself spinning out of control out on the street, or in a cafe, or in class, or anywhere in public.
Finally at 5:30, I walked to school for my phonetic class. I had taken a meclizine at 4, so I felt pretty confident that I would not have an attack.
The class never happened. 4 of us showed up, but no teacher was there. At 6:30, we left.
I came home and watched some TV and as I started to watch the debates I fell asleep. I thought I'd get an early nights sleep, but made the mistake of checking my e-mail first and now I need to blog so that I can get to sleep and not be thinking about this all night.
It turns out Juliana read my blog post from yesterday and responded. I am not going to post her comment because I don't think it needs to be public. I am suprised however that she read my post and wonder if someone told her to read it. I didn't know she was one of my "readers".
Well, anyway, there was some misunderstanding involved and it was clear that she was upset about what I wrote. I am even more upset now by her response. The last thing I wanted was to inject any more drama into my already exciting life. I know that stress only aggravates the meniere's and receiving an e-mail from someone that is so charged, and obviously won't be settled with just one response in exchange is very stressful. I don't need it.
So, I am writing this post to anyone who feels that I have somehow dissed Juliana, including Juliana. That was not my intention. I simply wrote about what happened to me yesterday from my perspective. I had an attack right before my lesson and in the middle of the lesson found myself sitting alone in a smoky room. I was not blaming anyone and did not mean to imply that Juliana should have done anything different. In fact, it was better for me to not have to interact with anyone. But what happened yesterday was very scary for me, as these attacks always are. I am never sure if the dizziness is going to get so bad that I am going to start sweating and finally begin to vomit. I never know if it happens in public if I am going to make it to a rest room before I start to vomit. And once the vomiting does start, all I can think about is wanting to die. I can not imagine living a life like this.
I am going to do my best to just let this incident pass. I'm not going to be taking any more lessons with Juliana, mostly because I can not afford it. The auricolar treatments, the chiropractice, and massages, have all cut deeply into my budget. Something had to go, and since I am able to find ways to work on my Spanish for free (TV, conversation exchanges etc.,) I decided to cut the Spanish lessons first. Tango lessons have already stopped because I can not dance when I'm having vertigo attacks. I don't know how Juliana found my blog, but I am as upset with whoever sent her to it as I am with her response to me. I'm just asking everyone for a little compassion and understanding that what I am going through right now is very difficult, and the difficulty is only amplified by me being in a foreign country, away from any support. This situation today is unnecessary stress for me. If Juliana hadn't been told to read my blog, I wouldn't be dealing with it. I don't need any more drama. Thank you.
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